Facing his Nightmares.

2 July 2015

Dear friend,

I woke early this morning. At first I wasn't sure what had made me stir from a deep sleep but then I heard him crying. My two boys are not babies anymore so I have become unused to the early morning call that was once my daily ritual. It took me a minute to work out which one it was then I heard him coming downstairs.

It was a sob, a deep, heart wrenching kind of cry directly from the soul. I knew it wasn't a sick cry, they are more panicked. Isn't is amazing how we can learn these infinitesimal details about our children? It is a kind of base instinct that only parents have.

The big lad climbed into bed and cuddled into me. This confirmed the seriousness of the situation because he very rarely cuddles like this. This was the kind of hug where it feels like you want to climb right into the other person's body to take on their peace and warmth. We stayed like that for some time, until his breathing had calmed. Me whispering; it's ok you're safe, into his hair. 

Selfishly I enjoyed this moment. Not that he was upset but the closeness of us, the physical contact the sharing of our breathing. This happens so rarely now. He's almost 9, a big boy, my grown up young man. Autism means that he seeks my physical contact less, I have learned to wait for him to come to me not to force my love onto him. I treasure these special moments!





Nightmares... the big lad goes through phases of nightmares. Really bad ones that torment him for days. They seem to come more when he is stressed or worried. What is the trigger now? Perhaps they are a side effect of the quickly approaching end of school year. Too much change!

I read somewhere that you shouldn't discuss what they dreamed as it can make things worse but the big lad always needs to get it out. The story tumbles out of him at breakneck speed...

There were 2 mummies. I didn't know which one was the real mummy so I talked to them both. But neither of them were real they were both fakes. You had gone.

Where do these things come from? What do they mean? I don't know I am not a psychologist but I know enough to reassure him that mummy isn't going anywhere! The end of the school year is so busy and there have been late meetings and events that have meant we have spent less time together. He may be growing up and growing up fast but he still needs mummy time and I will always need it too. We are all ready for that holiday.

Wow to be loved that much is really special! What better job is there in the world?



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Kirsten Toyne said...

Some kids want to talk about them and others dont. I think the only problem is if you reinforce the fears in their nightmare. Psychology being my area, nightmares usually represent something, not the weird things in them but the feeling. They are normally fears we have or unresolved feelings.
I so know what you mean about the cuddles being lovely. My boys dont have autism but they are older and don't want as much contact now so it is lovely when they tuck in. #MMWBH

Catie: Imperfect Mum said...

Thanks for the excellent advice it is always difficult to know if u are getting it right!

Emma Iannarilli said...

Quite lucky at the moment as my boy has never had a nightmare, but I think you let them choose to talk about it or not - it's what makes them feel better.

#MMWBH

Rebecca U said...

oh bless him. Good if he is happy to talk about it though #MMWBH

Catie: Imperfect Mum said...

I agree Emma.

Catie: Imperfect Mum said...

I think he get's a sense of relief but we have to change the subject and not let him dwell on it!

Erin @ Nourishing My Scholar said...

Awe, poor guy! I'm so sorry you both are going through this.

Catie: Imperfect Mum said...

Thanks Erin, I am happy to say it's going better now. Whatever was upsetting him must be resolved.

Colette B said...

Dreams are so strange aren't they. I dream about all sorts of strange and unsettlings things and it's uusally a sign I haven't slept well. I hope the phases passes soon.
#MMWBH

Caro Davies said...

Awww bless him!! WHAT a strange dream?!! Nightmares are awful aren't they? I still suffer fro night terrors in times of stress, which is my brains way of coping with things. Even though I feel OK during the day if there's things bothering me, it usually manifests itself at night in the form of a night terror. SO scary.

I hope Mario is OK now and doesn't have any more nightmares in the near future. Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x

Caro | www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

Catie: Imperfect Mum said...

Thanks Caro. He is more peaceful now. Hope you are too!

Catie: Imperfect Mum said...

Thanks Colette! He is much calmer now.

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