Friday Rant: Bugger off IBS

7 August 2015

Dear IBS,

I really wish you would just bugger off. I don't have time to deal with you at the moment. I was enjoying my holiday, having fun with my boys, relaxing in the sunshine until you came along and spoiled things. Don't you know that you're a complete pain in the butt (and tummy). I really wish IBS would just disappear!

Why do you start? Where do you come from? And why is it always at the worse moments?

Instead of relaxing and enjoying the party week festivities in our village and enjoying a little tipple too. I have spent the majority of the last 3 mornings contemplating the pattern of tiles on our bathroom wall and debating the merits of moist v normal toilet paper. Then you have forced me to rush home (squeezing my bum cheeks together) only to sit for 20 minutes with nothing but wind. 

The embarrassment of it all. The other morning some people walking past heard me farting loud enough to rival a set of concert timpani drums and burst into a fit of giggles. I'd laugh too if it didn't feel like someone was squashing my intestines through a mangle!

How long are you going to stay this time. You're like an annoying relative paying a surprise visit,  sapping all my energy and taking my time. Will it be a few days a week or 7 weeks (not joking it lasted 7 weeks once). On the plus side I may loose some weight but due to the bloating I'll still look 4 months pregnant.

I don't hate many things but I hate you! 
Just bugger off!

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