Dad's no shit approach

29 October 2015

Dear friend,

Have you ever noticed how people have a natural positivity, a built in need to tell each other things will be ok. I'm all for positive thinking and I will often be the one found handing out tea and sympathy and uttering reassuring words to friends, family etc I have changed my mind!
Why today?
Well today I had my wisdom tooth removed and I really wish someone had given me it straight; look Catie this is going to really, bloody hurt!

I knew I was in trouble when the dentist announced, this is a nightmare! A procedure that normally lasts 20 minutes took almost an hour. Bloody typical! I walked back to the waiting room, ice pack firmly in place. Hubby had the good grace to look suitably shocked when faced with a stunned looking Quasimodo but played it down in his usual fashion; I thought you'd been ages.
No really!!!

During the car ride home I relived my horror with a smattering of very colourfully descriptive language much to hubby's amusement! But seriously, does this only happen to me? Given the easy route or the difficult I always seem to opt for the hard version.

I was transported back in time (possibly through the haze of pain) to car journeys to or from hospital with my father. His approach to nursing was quite unique. When faced with an injection, procedure or operation he not only gave the facts he embellished them. His favourite answer to the question, Will it hurt? No, of course not, well it won't hurt me (with a huge grin). He would then go on to tell you how massive the needle was or some horrifying tale of auntie so and so's second cousin once removed who had his finger cut off with a rusty knife.

I'd either be laughing or so worried about the massive needle (that ended up being a fraction of the size he'd said) that it was not as bad as I'd thought. Even if it wasn't good I wanted to be brave for him, not to let him down. Come on you big girls blouse, he'd say. That's the voice I heard when the last piece of my tooth was stuck close to the exposed nerve and the dentist was considering giving up.  Not the oodles of lovely people who'd said, you'll be fine. Don't worry.

Pretty words aren't pretty if they aren't real and true.

I have decided to call it; Dad's no shit approach and it got me thinking of other occasions we could use it. I think I could start some successful campaigns;

1) Childbirth: the pain isn't over as soon as the child's born. No you'll feel like your peeing fire for weeks.
2)  Injections; not just a scrape!  Injections pinch like hell and then leave you with a dead arm for a couple of days.
3) Tooth extraction; akin to being beaten around the face with a crowbar!
4) Mamogram: like someone running over your boob!
5) Smear test: having your insides scratched by a rusty nail.
6) Stitches: the needle stings like a bee then when it feels like part of you has died they try to pull your skin off.
7) Wart or verruca removal: actual torture through burning, painful for hours.
8) Eye drops; like getting shampoo in your eye.

I'm not so sure it'll take off...what do you think?

Disclaimer: I wrote this at 3 severe pain!
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