H Days Part 4: My Hysterectomy Journey

15 January 2016

Dear friend,

My first night at home didn't go quite to plan as we ended up with a poorly child in our bed. It felt strange sitting back letting hubby take the lead and just giving verbal not physical support. I knew that I would struggle with this but didn't think I'd be tested so soon. I feel like I've lost the mummy force! 

Being home in your own bed feels amazing but there are things you don't consider. Like getting in and out of bed. Our bed is low! It took me some time to perfect a roll onto your side and up movement. The little man held his hand out to help pull me up and it brought tears to my eyes. 

I went downstairs for half an hour. The big lad sat and watched me, his eyes as wide as saucers. I could feel his concern and wished I could read his mind. Then he asked; Can I see? I must admit to some initial reluctance, embarrassment. I don't know what he expected but it opened up our dialogue and he asked lots of questions. Later on, he sneaked into my bed and cuddled up to me, opening up again, seeking reassurance that everything would be OK. 

I thought the pain would be the main issue but it isn't really. Yes it hurts; getting out of bed and walking down stairs and I can't pull anything open (the magnetic door on the shower hurt) but it's the exhaustion that's more debilitating, just taking a shower wiped me out, I wanted to sit down. It's like my body is saying for God sakes STOP I've had enough. So I'm stopping...

I am trying not to think about hubby busy downstairs making sure everything is ticking along. I'm trying to switch off the part of my brain that does the organizing and allow him to get on with things his way. I'm trying to ignore the impulse telling me to get up and get on with things, you know that little nag that's there when you pause for a coffee break, saying hurry up and finish the jobs before...

I'm trying not to feel guilty for lying in bed. 

My MIL arrives with home made chicken soup, there's a knock on the door and a gorgeous bouquet of flowers arrives from my parents. So many lovely messages from friends and family.

Hubby says aren't you lucky and we laugh. But yes I am. Lucky to be surrounded by so much love. It is just a pity it took major surgery to realise it!

Comments are disabled but sharing is caring!

Photography @My_Dutch_Angle

©spectrum mum ~ www.spectrummum.com (diaryofanimperfectmum.com) 2014 - present day. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to spectrum mum with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
© Spectrum Mum. Design by FCD.