Mummy's law

13 April 2016

Dear friend,

I like to consider myself a positive thinker and I do believe that having a positive outlook can affect our general wellbeing but today that belief is being tested. Have you ever heard of Murphy's law? 

Murphy's law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong (Source Wikipedia.) 

Well today I've decided to adapt it and rebrand as 

Mummy's law...

  • Relax in the tub/take a shower. Are you serious, someone will suddenly need a poo or desperately need to ask you where their football kit, cuddly toy or keys (hubby) have gone.
  • Put on your makeup.  LOL someone will have lost a sock or had a water disaster in the bathroom so you end up going about your day oblivious to the fact that you only managed to put mascara on one set of eyelashes.
  • Drink a hot cup of tea. Forget it. Your mummy brain will draw you to empty the dishwasher, to wipe down the kitchen surfaces and feed the dog.
  • Chat with a friend on the phone. I can guarantee you will need to pause at least 5 times to avert a disaster, stop a fight, ask them to switch the TV down or stop them from raiding the cookie tin. You are lucky if you can finish one full sentence. 
  • Eat your dinner. You will never again eat anything warm because you will spend every meal, spooning food into mouths or cutting up food or taking kids to the bathroom. Once your kids are older your food will never be your own as they will want to try it and then usually swap plates as mums is always nicer. 
  • Watch TV.  The TV will be constantly tuned to kids channels. If you do try and watch something you will be asked, What is this? repeatedly. You will never again get to watch anything all the way through because you will give in and put the kids channel back on.
  • Get ready for a night out in peace. One child will cry, one will want a story and one will say they are feeling sick so that you spend your whole evening worrying about them.
  • Go to the toilet. As soon as your bum hits the seat a child will appear, they either need you or have just come to watch as heavens forbid you should be allowed to poop in peace without them.
  • Dry your hair. There's something about a hair drier that makes toddlers behave like a dog with its head out of the car window. Toddler will demand blasting every 2 minutes. Someone will have lost something again or will fall over. You leave the house with half dry hair then spend the rest of the day with an attack of frizz, looking like Worzel Gumming. 
  • Go to bed early/Lie in. Kids have a radar that knows to surprise you by arriving at your bedside every half an hour, suddenly having a temperature, needing a cuddle or being sick. 
  • Read. Forget the John Grisham or Marian Keyes your author of choice is now Julia Donaldson or Claire Freedman. When you do find time to read you can't follow the thread because you've been interrupted so many times you don't have a clue what's happening.
  • Carefully select an outfit. Instead of spending ages selecting the perfect outfit with carefully matching accessories you have a 5 minute window to get dressed and will wear anything that fits and is clean but doesn't make you look like your mother.

What are your Mummy law moments?

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