Stop shaming my Mummy tummy!

29 June 2016

Dear friend,

Recently I read a post where a Blogger was talking about getting into shape after having a baby, she looked fantastic, what an inspiration! It included a selfie looking extremely fit, healthy and toned. My initial thought was wow! But when I read the message it made me feel pissed off uncomfortable. Despite stating that her intention was not to brag she went on to say it's easy to make excuses... and to talk about needing willpower and determination. But is it ever that simple?

I'm what you would call a big lass,  I've always been a big lass, it's who I am! Probably genes (and that's not an excuse) no matter how hard I try I will never be that cute, little, skinny girl. But being big never bothered me. I could hold my own with any of the boys, I was strong, self assured ... Being big only affected my ability to wear high heels and I did prefer taller boyfriends. I was pretty and witty enough to attract attention. And I certainly wasn't prepared to appear helpless to attract any man! My body size or shape didn't worry me until post uni when admittedly I had put on a few pounds with the help of alcohol.

But this isn't a post about being fat or thin... I am not going to give you the story of my weight struggles and my gym obsessions or how knee problems stopped me exercising and contributed to putting on extra weight... It's a post about hating feeling judged by anyone. I hate being judged and I hate the implication that because I am not a stick insect, I lack willpower or determination. I lack neither of these...I lack interest...

90% of my time I don't think about my shape or size. Don't get me wrong I want to look good, I like buying new clothes and try to keep on trend but I don't obsess. Clothes are bought for fit and comfort. High waisted jeans were a brilliant discovery as were jeggings and who doesn't love a baggy T or Maxi dress. I do my hair and make-up every morning but I may not look at my reflection again until lunch time when I nip to the loo and squint at myself in the badly lit mirror. There are a million other things buzzing around my mind...

It's nothing to do with willpower - It's not that I can't say no, it's that I don't want to! We don't go out often and our treat is spending an evening watching TV with a lovely picnic of bread and pate, nuts, olives and cheese and a large glass of something cold and usually alcoholic. It is our pleasure and I enjoy my life...

Judging women

My self worth is not based on how I look! I feel good about myself, I have a positive self image, I feel loved and wanted by my husband. My husband doesn't look at me and go... Your belly wobbles or Have you put on some weight? He doesn't care that my bum has it's own postcode. He loves me... Like ME! Lardy arse and all. There is nothing superficial here, beauty is more than skin deep...

Is it an age thing? Maybe it's something to do with the secret power you get when you reach your 40's that gives you a sudden kick up the backside and forces you to focus on what really matters to you?! Isn't trying to be healthy better than trying to be thin or have a flat tummy?

Time! Time is extremely short with work, housework, the kids out of school clubs, therapy for my son etc  How do you find the time to go to the gym 5 times a week? I choose to spend my free time with my family - having quality time together. Maybe some people would say; I should put myself first. But I am! I want to be with my family...

I don't have a problem with people sharing their successes...If looking toned is your thing then fine! But don't shame others who don't share your passion! Support or advise those who want it and leave the rest of us alone! We already live in a culture that is telling us that thin is beautiful, that mums should lose their tummy in 3 months that we should all look like this... God forbid we stand out or dare to be different...

Even though I can see you look amazing, sorry I don't want to look like you. I want to be me, crazy, loving, caring, fun, clever/stupid unique me! So stop shaming my mummy tummy ...

Autiquotes: Quotes about Autism

21 June 2016

My aim is to spread a positive message about autism through my writing and to help my son to grow up in a world of understanding, compassion and acceptance.

Book Corner: Encyclopaedia Prehistorica DINOSAURS

20 June 2016

My Book Corner choice this month is: Encyclopaedia Prehistorica DINOSAURS by Robert Sabuda & Matthew Reinhart

I first discovered this book in a classroom at school and I couldn't put it down! I absolutely loved it. This is a pop up book, but a pop up book like no other I have seen before - it is absolutely amazing! There are more than 35 pop ups in total to be found inside all made by pop-up masters Robert Sabuda and Matthew Reinhart. The book is not only stunning to look at it is crammed full with facts about dinosaurs so if you have a little dinosaur lover like me this book will be a massive hit!

Encyclopaedia Prehistorica Dinosaurs

Father's day card ideas...

13 June 2016

Dear friend,

Don't you just love Pinterest? I do? Everytime I have something to make/do at home I check out what the clever people on Pinterest have been up to. Garden design, picture walls, sofas, bedroom ideas, Father's Day cards... All can be found over on there. Yes I've heard people moan about the Pinterest perfect images and I've laughed at the fails posts but I love it!!!

With Father's Day just around the corner, I decided to check out some card ideas. You can find my board here. I thought I'd share my top 6 with you (believe me it was hard to narrow the choices down) and maybe inspire you to create your own masterpiece for daddy.

So here goes...

Introducing Message in a bottle...

10 June 2016

Dear friend,

a while back my lovely bloggy buddy Katie told me about a launch team being put together for a new book. Immediately my ears pricked up as we are mad about books here (check out our book corner) and as a teacher I am always interested in great new books! When I looked into it a bit more I was sold!

So what is message in a bottle and why did I "Have to..." be involved?

Sometimes... A poem about autism parenting.

7 June 2016

Sometimes I feel tired. 

Tired of painting on my smile, 
Tired of being in control, 
Tired of being everything to everyone. 

I want to let go... 

Sometimes I don't want to fight about
How long he's been on the computer...
Or listen to
It's not fair.

Sometimes I don't want to hear about 
Problems at school,

Disagreements with friends 
Or which is the best character on Super Smash Bros. 

Sometimes I don't want to know about 
'Normal' children
Birthday parties
and fantastic reports.

Sometimes when I ask him for the millionth time;
Have you flushed the toilet, brushed your teeth, 
Remembered to put on your shoes 
I just want to


Sometimes life is like 
Playing the wire loop game. 

I need a good
Sense of inner balance 
And a brilliant amount of control 
To keep moving on.

Sometimes the game isn't fair!
Our loops are harder. 
One false move,  
And start again...

Sometimes I don't want 
To play the game...

Sometimes I don't want to 
Go to therapy,
Or think,
Or feel...

Sometimes I don't want
To be strong.
I want to cry at the injustice of it all.
Why us? Why my son???

Sometimes I dream about 
what might have been if...

Sometimes I just need 
Someone to say; 
Yes it is 

I need to feel sad and disillusioned
That my child has autism
Without feeling guilty!


Autiquotes: Quotes about Autism

My aim is to spread a positive message about autism through my writing and to help my son to grow up in a world of understanding, compassion and acceptance.

Father's day: Dads' days out ideas

4 June 2016

Dear friend,

It is almost time for Father's day and instead of leaving it to the last minute and dashing out for the usual gifts I thought I'd get my thinking cap on and try and think of a more original surprise. My Hysterectomy, extra responsibility at work and redecorating at home has meant hubby has had his hands extra full this year so I think that he really deserves a good break. I know that hubby loves spending time as a family so what better Father's day gift than a great family day out?

Why I'm letting go of the mummy guilt

1 June 2016

Dear friend,

This week I was chatting with my friend online. She's a brilliant, fun, caring, amazing mum who due to shit luck family circumstances is having to return to full time work. She is feeling guilty...
Another young, new mum friend is struggling with getting her child to sleep. She asked, what am I doing wrong? Nothing!!! She is feeling guilty...
My friend has a sick child, she told me she should have taken them to the Dr earlier. She is feeling guilty...
My big lad was ill on Sunday but I had to work on Monday so sent him to school even though I knew he wasn't feeling 100%. I felt guilty...

The Mummy guilt appears when...
  1. I lack patience
  2. I let them have too much screen time
  3. I feed them junk food
  4. I take time for myself
  5. I hide the last cornetto
  6. I can't afford that new game...
  7. I notice their nails are overgrown and we are at the Dr/clinic
  8. I work too much
  9. I forget to be the tooth fairy 
  10. I put their art work in the bin
  11. I get bored playing top trumps
  12. I can't be bothered to organise that playdate
  13. I make an excuse to get out of going swimming
  14. I spend money on myself 
  15. They wear creased clothes
  16. I have to wake them early because I'm going to work
  17. I give the answer to the maths homework question because I can't be bothered to explain it
  18. I say it's too late for a story
  19. I can't help out at school
  20. The dentist criticises their teeth brushing
That's a hell of a lot of guilt for anyone to carry around, right?! Yet as mums we do this to ourselves (well most of the mum's I know do.. ) on a daily basis. 

Used well, guilt helps us feel empathy, connect to our children, and get busy making needed changes. OK if I am honest, I need to be stricter with their computer time and I must supervise the tooth brushing more and make them eat healthier. I can understand this guilt and do something about it.

But I am my own worst enemy. Guilt has a habit of eating away at me when I get into bed at night or when I wake in the morning.  It smoothers me in a duvet of regret and recriminations. Why did I say/do that? I should have said/done... I strive for perfection in everything and it can be exhausting trying to please everyone all the time. Negative guilt ultimately gets in the way of doing what needs to be done and can leave us feeling judged.

After our conversation my best friend sent me this fabulous quote...

Behind every great kid is a mum who's afraid she's messing it up!

I am so lucky to have an amazing friend who get's me. This quote instantly made me smile and feel better about myself. 

I have amazing kids!

I must be doing something right...

Maybe a little bit of mummy guilt does keep us on our toes as long as we don't let it take over.

What do you think? 

Photography @My_Dutch_Angle

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