A glimpse into our Autism: Yesterday he held my hand...

17 August 2016

Dear friend,

Yesterday he held my hand. He reached out and took my hand and held onto it.. 

It was more than a fleeting exchange, not that butterfly kiss that sometimes happens when we are walking... There was a determination about it, a need to be held, like someone walking along a precipice and seeking extra security. It took me by surprise...

When I looked at him I saw... There was a brief flutter of panic across his handsome face that was quickly wiped away with a smile. A smile that was a million unspoken words...

Sometimes I catch little glimpses like this but how much has he learned to keep hidden. How much of his behaviour is a mask for his real feelings, fitting in with the expectations, trusting that because he is with us it will be OK. 

I am sorry, sorry that going to a busy market causes him discomfort, pain even... My instinct is to help my son escape, wrap him up in the familiarity of our home, happy and safe. I want to shield him from the pain...

But I know that I must also expose him to the 'real' world, to help him learn, to let him see that he can do it. 

I want my son to live a full life and experience all that it has to offer.

Yesterday he held my hand. He reached out and took my hand and held onto it.. 

A glimpse into autism is my new series. Short letters that explore how autism effects us on a day to day basis. 

Disclaimer: my son has never wanted to hold hands but this is our experience not all autistic people are the same.

More autism awareness posts...

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